The holiday season has a way of magnifying everything we feel: connection, joy, nostalgia, and especially grief. I lost both my parents weeks apart last year and the holidays, anniversaries, birthdays were all very different that year. When you’re grieving someone you love, the lights, music, and traditions that once felt comforting can suddenly feel heavy, sharp, or painfully out of place.
Losing both of my parents in 2024 just seven weeks apart, nothing prepared me for the first year that followed their deaths. That first Christmas without them felt surreal, like the world around me was celebrating while mine felt very different. And all the “firsts”; the first Christmas, the first birthday, the first anniversaries, the first mother’s day, the first father’s day—hit in a way that words barely touch.
If you’re facing the holidays with a grieving heart, I want to offer you compassion, understanding, and some gentle guidance. There is no road map for grief, but there are ways to support yourself through a season that can feel both beautiful and incredibly painful.
Grieving During the Holidays: Allowing Yourself to Feel What You Feel
One of the hardest parts of holiday grief is the pressure to be “okay.” You don’t have to be.
You’re allowed to have moments where the loss feels raw or overwhelming. You’re allowed to cry, pull back, or feel numb. All of it is normal. I’m getting teary as I write.
Let this season be one where you don’t hide your grief or force yourself into someone else’s expectations. Let yourself be human.
Adjusting Holiday Traditions After Loss
After losing my parents, I felt torn between wanting to keep traditions alive and wanting to avoid them altogether. What I learned is this: you’re allowed to change things.
You might choose to:
Keep one small tradition that brings comfort
Let go of the ones that feel too painful
Create a new ritual that honours your loved one- what we did: my son has a bell that he rings so he can call his grand parents and tell them about how much he misses them and all the gifts he received for Christmas
Spend the holidays quietly or differently this year
There is no “right way.” There is only the way that helps you breathe a little easier.
Making Space for Your Needs and Setting Holiday Boundaries
Grief often brings emotional fatigue, especially when surrounded by noise, expectations, or busyness.
You are allowed to protect your energy.
You are allowed to say no.
You are allowed to leave early or skip something entirely.
Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for yourself during the holidays is to choose the path with the least emotional strain.
Finding Support When You Feel Alone With Your Grief
The holidays can feel isolating when the people you miss aren’t here. Reaching out for support isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s an act of strength.
Talk to someone you trust. Share memories. Let someone check in on you.
And if you need more structured support, grief counselling can offer a steady place to land when the season feels unsteady.
You don’t have to carry everything alone.
Honouring Joy Without Guilt
One of the most complicated parts of grieving during the holidays is the way joy can sneak in. You may laugh, feel connected, or have a moment of lightness and then feel guilty for it.
Joy does not mean you’re forgetting.
It does not mean your love is smaller.
It simply means you’re still living, still human, still capable of feeling warmth even in the coldest seasons.
Grief and joy can exist together, even if it feels strange at first.
Navigating the “Firsts” After Loss
The “firsts” can feel like milestones with sharp edges. The first Christmas. The first birthday. The first major holiday without them.
When these days came for me, I felt the heaviness long before the date arrived. But I also noticed something else: those days reminded me of the good times we have had and the challenging moments we have shared.
If you are facing your own “firsts” this year, be gentle with yourself. These moments are hard because your grief is real.
You’re Not Alone in Your Grief This Holiday Season
If the holidays feel different this year, you’re not doing anything wrong; you’re grieving.
Whether this is your first Christmas without someone or your tenth, whether your grief is raw or quietly settled beneath the surface, you deserve compassion, support, and room to be exactly where you are.
If you need a place to talk, reflect, or find steadiness during the holidays, our team at True Living Counselling is here to walk beside you. Grief is heavy, but you don’t have to walk through the season alone.
A Special Project Coming to Okotoks: The Wind Phone
As part of my own healing journey and our team’s commitment to supporting our community we’ve been working with the Town of Okotoks on a special project called The Wind Phone. This beautiful, reflective space is designed for people who are grieving a loved one. It offers a quiet place to “speak” to the person you miss, share memories, release emotions, or simply sit with your feelings.
The Wind Phone has brought comfort to communities around the world, and we are honoured to share that it will soon be coming to Okotoks. Our hope is that it becomes a gentle, healing place where people can connect with their grief and their love in a safe and compassionate way.
More details will be shared soon, and we cannot wait to invite the community into this meaningful project.
Our grief counselling services in Okotoks are here to help you make space for your grief and for your life moving forward.
Book a free consultation with one of our therapists today and take the first step toward healing.